Am I Losing Myself?
by Isaidheyohhh
Summary: Gerard Way and Frank Iero become cellmates at the New Jersey State Prison
1. Chapter 1

I shuffled my feet as I made my way back to my cell at the New Jersey State Prison. There has been another fight in the cafeteria, so we were sent back to our cells early. Some of us didn't even get a chance to finish our meal, not that the meals were appetizing in the first place. Prison food sucked.

_Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Gerard Way. I'm 26 years old. I am 5 feet and 9 inches tall. I have hazel eyes and my hair is currently dyed black and is at medium length. I've only been in this hell hole for 3 months and I already wanted to kill myself, which probably wasn't a terrible idea after all the horrible things I have done. The prison guards treated the inmates horribly. Although, I do believe the pedophiles and murderers of children deserve to be treated like scum, I sure as hell didn't deserve it. Neither do the others with crimes not nearly as bad._

_Within my short amount time spent here, I've already seen way more than I wanted. Some guards raped the prisoners. Luckily, I haven't been a chosen victim yet, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. If you seem like an easy target, you're screwed. That's what happened to my last cellmate, Jimmy. He didn't return until late at night when they sexually assaulted him the first time, and broke down crying. Jimmy told me every detail. One guy helped hold him down, while the other fucked violated him. It happened again and again until he had enough and ended his own life just so he didn't have to suffer through it anymore. What a shame, I thought._

_I'm not exactly sure of the names of these guards. The inmates are too afraid to come forward. I spoke with one other person who didn't have it nearly as bad done to him as Jimmy did. He was simply forced to give a blowjob and was jerked off for 'cooperating' is how he put it. I feel so sorry for them. _

****  
I nearly jumped out of my skin when there was a loud banging on my cell bars. I quickly climbed out of my bunk and walked over to see what the commotion was about.  
"You're getting a new cellmate, Way." Said the familiar voice of Bobby, one of the nicer guys who helps run this place.

I groaned loudly. I was kinda hoping I wouldn't have to share my cell with anyone else again. I sure hoped this guy wasn't going to be a prick.  
"Oh, come on. It'll be fine."  
I scratched my nose and hesitated a moment before I spoke. "Fine. I'll deal with it. When will he be here?"  
"Tomorrow morning. I wanted to give ya a heads up in case you were out of your cell when he arrived. Don't need to be getting off on the wrong foot."  
I mumbled a thanks before Bobby finally let me be. I plopped back onto my bed and rolled over onto my side and fell asleep.

****  
I was awoken by Bobby around 9:00 the next morning. My new cellmate was here I assumed. I lazily rolled out of bed, walked over to my tiny sink, picked up my black comb to comb the bed head from my hair. I didn't exactly want to scare off the new guy.  
A few moments later, when Bobby returned after disappearing for a couple minutes. I guess he went to collect the new guy. I don't know.

"Home sweet home." I heard Bobby say as I turned around from where I was still standing.  
Just then a short man in an orange suit, like every single person in here was wearing, appeared inside of my cell. My eyes just about popped out of my skull. He was not what I was expecting at all. He looked so young and you could clearly see the scorpion tattooed on his neck.

"This is Frank Iero. Frank, this is Gerard Way. You better get well acquainted since you'll be spending a lot of time together."

I stupidly waved at him. I was taken aback from this man. He didn't look like the rest of the criminals at all...well neither did I.

"Hey." Is all Frank said to me. He must've been nervous.

Bobby shut and locked the cell door and walked away, leaving us by ourselves. I crawled into the bottom bunk while Frank awkwardly stood in front of the cell door.  
"Well, are you gonna stand there all day?' I jokingly asked him.

He shook his head. "No, no. I suppose not."  
Then Frank sat down on the hard concrete with his back leaning against the wall.  
"Sooo...what are you in for?"  
"I'm not telling you." I hastily replied.  
"Why? Is it that bad?"  
"I just don't see how what I did to get myself locked up in here is anyone's business but my own."  
Frank sighed. "Fine. Whatever."

_Already, we weren't off to a great start, but I didn't care. I wasn't here to make friends now was I?_

****  
Hours went by and I was now playing cards with 3 other inmates, Billie, Mike, and Tre. Billie was clearly cheating. I was getting frustrated. He won the last 4 hands. We were playing Poker. As a matter of fact, they all cheat at cards. I became fed up with his constant winning so I scraped my chair back and walked away from the table and decided to go lift weights instead.

When I got over to the fitness area I couldn't believe what I saw. My cellmate had a frilly pink tutu on and there were a bunch of other men gathered around him. From what I saw, they were making him do push-up in that thing. I shook my head in disgust and left immediately. Why the heck would you make someone do push-ups in drag was beyond me.

The bell rang and it was time to go back to our cells. Thank God. I way lying in my bed reading a comic book. Yes, a comic book. A Spiderman comic to be a little more precise. Frank was pretty humiliated from the events that took place in the recreational room I thought because he hasn't said one word to me yet, not that I wanted him to. I like to keep to myself so the less interaction I have with others, the better.

Tired of the uncomfortable silence, I determined we should talk. Not tell our whole life stories, but I cannot bear awkward silences. They drive me nuts. So I shut my comic book, tossing it aside before I got up out of my bunk to peek up at Frank.

"So, Frank." I began to say until he glared at me.  
"What do you want?"  
"To talk of course. Like Bobby told us, we should get ourselves acquainted since we'll be stuck with each other."  
Frank sighed at me. I could tell he didn't want to talk to me but I could also tell he wasn't going to ignore me either.  
"Alright. Well, talk."  
"Hmmm. How old are you, Frank?"  
"I'm 22 years old." He replied.  
My jaw dropped. He was younger than I thought.  
"You?" He turned his head to look at me.  
"26 years old."  
"Ah, I see." Was all he said."  
"You're not much of a talker are you?"  
He shrugged his shoulders.  
"I don't belong here. I am not like those criminals."  
"Well, you are here aren't you? So you must be a criminal."  
"I'm not a murderer. Someone who harms another human being is repulsive."

Frank stayed silent. I couldn't help but to wonder what he actually done to get himself imprisoned. I had an idea he wondered the same about me, but I wasn't revealing that to ANYONE. I just wanted to do my sentence and get out.

Frank was clearly finished talking to me so I let him alone. I layed back down in my bunk and started to read another comic book. I had a box of them next to my bunk. Bobby let me keep them. Most people in here would read the Bible or novels. I read books too. But I'm kind of a nerd so I love comic books, which is something you wouldn't really guess by looking at me. I look like I belong in a rock band to tell you the truth.

****  
_It was Friday, which meant showers. I could not wait. I was really starting to smell and my hair was a greasy mess. How I loved showers. I hated feeling gross and not being able to bathe when I wanted. Whenever I get out of this joint, I think the first thing I'll do is take a nice, long, hot shower. _

I strolled my way to the very end of the shower, like I always do. Just when I heard the voice of one of the asshole inmates. He was a bully. He was in for murdering his wife and best friend. They have been cheating together for a year and a half behind his back, I heard. His name is Jared.

"Hey faggot! Don't drop the soap!" He shouted.

What a moron. He was very immature. In no way was I a 'faggot' either. I ignored him and turned my back and began to lather up with a bar of soap until Jared slapped the soap from my hands and laughed.

"You gonna pick that up?" His friend Mark snorted next to him.  
I did my best to ignore him but he wouldn't go away, so finally I said something to him in hopes he would listen.

"Leave me the fuck alone, Jared!" I yelled.  
Every time that bastard saw me, he always had to harass me and call me names.  
"What did you just say to me?!" He balled up his fist and I was damn sure he was just about to drive it right into my face until...  
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I quickly spun around. It was Frank!  
Jared had a very very angered look on his face now.  
"What was that?"  
"I said Leave him alone!"  
Jared laughed. "You gonna make me shorty?"  
All of a sudden Frank screamed out and jumped onto Jared, taking him surprise which knocked him over. Frank was punching and hitting him everywhere.  
"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Other inmates began to chant until Bobby and the prick named Barry barged in, yanking Frank off of Jared, dragging him away.  
"Everyone finish up quickly and get back to your cells." Bobby called out.

Jared stood up and shoved me out of the way as he left. I stood there dumbstruck. I couldn't move. I can't believe what just happened. Frank stood up to Jared. But why? He barely talked to me and did something like this? No one ever dared to stick up for me when Jared would call me names and hit me.

When I first got locked up here, Jared called me a Goth looking freak and pummeled my stomach until I vomited all over the place after I called him an ignorant, stupid prick. I took it like a coward each time, but now I think things will be even more of a living nightmare.

****  
I haven't seen Frank in two days. Barry lead Frank back to our cell, giving him a swift kick in the ass before shoving him inside and locking the door behind him. Frank kept his head down and nearly collapsed on the floor in tears.

I didn't know what to do. Should I help him? Should I leave him alone? Should I ask what's wrong? I was afraid if I'd ask he would lash out at me. But then Frank looked up right at me with blood shot eyes full of tears.

"T-they did horrible things to me, Gerard" He sobbed.  
I knew what that meant. Or so I thought.  
I slid out of my bed and kneeled down on the floor looking into eyes. You could sense his fear and he was trembling. He had a gigantic bruise on his left cheek and a black eye on the right side.

"What did they do to you?" I asked in the softest voice I could find.  
"Well, they dragged me away to a room and Barry just kept kicking me and kicking me. He kicked my face too which is why I got the bruises. He left me alone after a while. I was crying uncontrollably. When he got back, he reeked of alcohol and he forced me to...to.."

My mouth hung open and I struggled to form a sentence. "What did he make you do, Frank?"  
Frank sobbed some more and finally answered. "He forced me on my knees and he unbuckled his jeans and forced my head down to his crotch. He said "suck it", yanking me by my hair and forcing my head closer to his crotch. I had no choice. I had to do it. It was awful!"  
Frank cried even harder now. I couldn't believe my ears. That fucking bastard!

I don't know what possessed me to do this but, I yanked Frank towards me and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back in a soothing manner telling him too shh and that it's over. Frank clung to me, his tears leaving wet spots on my ugly orange suit.

What happened next, was unbelievable. Once Frank calmed down and finally stopped crying, he wiped his tears dry with one of his sleeves. Next, he turned to me, blinked and it all happened so fast I didn't have time to react! He kissed me! I shoved him off me as soon as I realized what he was doing.

"I can't! I don't like men. I can't do this!"  
Frank stared at me with wide eyes. "Oh my God. I-I'm so sorry!"  
"I-it's okay Just leave me alone.."

Right then it started to make sense to me. Frank must be gay! That must be why he attacked Jared like he did.

I avoided Frank for the rest of the night. He tried apologizing to me again but I didn't want to say a word to him. I tried to be nice and comfort him and he dared to kiss me! I'm not gay! I have a girlfriend on the outside to be honest. We've been together for two years before I was put in here.

I haven't really said a word to Frank since the incident. It's been a week. It dawned on me that I couldn't ignore Frank forever but what if he tried to kiss me again? I am a straight ma. I got to make a phone call and called my girlfriend. Her name is Lindsey.

"Hey babe! I miss you so much." I almost shouted into the phone.  
She didn't sound as happy to hear from me.  
"Is something wrong?"  
Lindsey let out a sad sounding sigh. "Look Gerard, I don't know how long I'll be able to wait for you..I mean you told me yourself you can be locked up up to two years and I need someone here with me. I don't want to wait around forever.."  
I frowned as tears started to build. "What are you saying Linds?"  
"I cheated on you."  
Her words nearly ripped my heart to shreds.  
"Who was it?"  
"That doesn't matter."  
"God dammit Lindsey! Just tell me who!"  
She began to cry as she spit out the name.  
"Mikey."  
My girlfriend cheated on me with my own brother!  
"I swear to God when I get out of here I'll kill him!" I screamed.  
"Calm down! Gerard, it's been happening a lot longer than you think..."  
"WHAT?!"  
"We've been sleeping together behind your back for the past six months. I'm sorry."

I slammed the phone when I hung up after telling her I hope they are happy and fuck both of them. My rage got my escorted quickly back to my cell. I was furious. I was all alone. My brother and girlfriend betrayed me. I told myself I'll make them both pay.

Frank could sense something was bothering me. He tried to ask if I was okay.  
"Leave me alone." Was my my only response.  
He shook his head and said nothing else.

****  
We were in the showers again. This time Frank was right next to me. Jared left me alone for once but I knew this was rare and once he had the chance he'd make me his target. I figured he wanted to 'behave' because yesterday he got solitary confinement for smacking a guard over the head with his food tray. It was actually kind of funny now that I think about it.

The showers slowly cleared out and Frank and I were left alone again. I never paid much attention before but Frank was covered in tattoos. He even had two birds on his stomach. Frank must have thought I was eying him up or something because he smiled at me and inched closer to me. I backed away until he had me practically pressed up against the shower wall. He was short but damn was he strong. Stronger than he looked for sure.

"It's okay to look, y'know." He whispered to me.  
"I was not looking!"  
Frank laughed. "Sure sure."  
"If I was 'looking' at anything it all, it was your tattoos." I said modestly.  
Frank looked down at his tattoos. "Oh. Well there's no shame in that then"  
He let go of me and finished washing himself, winked at me and left. I shuttered and got out before a guard would have to drag my ass out.

****  
_Frank was starting to freak me out. He was getting really touchy with me and would whisper things in my ears. He would always attempt to kiss me but I would back away or go somewhere else when he tried anything. In the showers or getting changed I could feel his eyes staring at me so I would go move somewhere else or cover my privates. He seriously has issues. My suspicions of him liking men was getting a lot stronger. I'm not a homophobe. Like I said before I'm sort of feminine so why on earth would a feminine man be a homophobe? I just wasn't into other guys. _

Frank tried asking me what I was in for again and I refused to tell him again.  
"I'll tell you, if you tell me. I promise."  
I shook my head. "I told you. I'm not telling you. And it's none of your business!"  
"Why? Is it really that bad? Who do you think I'm gonna tell?"

I didn't trust Frank. Why would I tell him anything personal?  
Some of us inmates that needed it got hair cuts from the prison stylist. My hair was getting too long and unruly. It was much shorter now. I refused to let him buzz all of my hair. After putting up a fight he agreed to just keep it short. Thank God. I'd look ridiculous.

I was now lifting weights when Jared comes over and starts picking on me, again, causing me to chuck the dumb bells at his head, he ducked and I ended up hitting Bobby in the back instead. I got taken away to solitary confinement for it. It was the first time I got in trouble here. I was sick and tired of Jared thinking he could say and do whatever he wanted and not get in any trouble. Instead, I'd get in trouble for defending myself.

_I was sitting with my back up against the cold walk. It was pretty much an empty room. There was nothing in it, not even a window. It's so you don't hurt yourself or anyone when you're locked in there. I was petrified. What if someone comes in and beats me? Or tries to rape me? None of the sort had happened though and in a matter of hours I was let out. Not to my cell though. I was forced to work out in the yard, cutting grass, picking up leaves, that kind of stuff. Bobby said it would be good for me. Yeah, sure. Usually, you would be assigned jobs to do to keep yourself out of trouble. I didn't mind to be honest. Just as long as Jared didn't come near me then it was all good. _

****  
I yawned as I walked back into mine and Frank's cell. I hopped on my bed and layed down. My head was pounding. I had such a bad head ache and was thankful I could now get some rest. I jumped when I heard Frank say "Hi Gerard" to me. I was so exhausted I barely noticed him brushing his teeth in the now filthy mirror.  
"Yeah hi." I said. I did not want to talk. I always tried avoiding Frank, afraid he'd try to kiss me again or worse. I was almost positive Frank had some infatuation with me. It didn't bother me. Now, Frank wasn't exactly unattractive. I just y'know, don't swing that way.

_The more time I spent around Frank, the more I would begin to notice things about him. For example, he has a really nice smile and his eyes; wow. His eyes are gorgeous. Nothing wrong with thinking that right?_

**One Thursday night is when it happened..**

I was bored in our cell. We were in lock down because one inmate stabbed another inmate with a box cutter. I don't even know how he got a hold of one in the first place, but he stabbed him in the neck and he bled to death.

Anyway, onto to the point..I was sitting on my bed drawing in my sketch book. I was drawing Frank. I don't know why but the way Frank looked at the current moment gave me an urge to draw him. I think he figured out I was up to something when he got up off the floor. He sat on the floor a lot when He was too lazy to climb up on his bunk.

"What are you drawing?" He asked me with a smile.  
I blushed and closed the book. "Nothing."  
His smile widened and he grabbed the sketch book out of my hands and flipped to the page I was working on. He gasped and looked at me. My face burned crimson.  
"You're drawing me?"  
I blushed harder now, gently nodding my head. Frank wormed his way into my bunk, smiling again. Dammit. His smile is enchanting.  
"It's really good."  
"You think so?"  
"It's amazing."  
I smiled slightly, still majorly embarrassed.  
I bit my lip and sighed. "I'm an artist actually."  
"With that talent, I hope so" He joked.  
"You're not creeped out?"  
"Nah, not at all. I'm actually flattered..but why did you wanna draw me in the first place?"  
"I don't know. I don't really have any inspiration and you were the first thing to come to mind."  
"Oh. I see then."  
"Y-yeah."

We sat in silence the next couple of long minutes. I turned my attention back to my sketch book and picked up my pencil to draw some more. Just when I felt Frank's hot breath on me and a soft hand belonging to him cup my face, and before I knew it, he pressed his lips to mine. I froze in shock. Frank didn't pull away. I found myself kissing him back. I pulled away from him, with my mouth slightly open, my cheeks pink.  
I sat breathing heavily looking at Frank, trying to process what we just done when all of a sudden, I placed a hand on the back of Frank's head, twisting locks of hair around my fingers, slamming ours lips together. The kiss got more passionate by the second. He licked at my lips, trying to get access into my mouth. I let him. Our tongues explored each other's mouths. We panted as we kissed.

Finally we pulled away when we were obviously out of breath. I was still panting heavily and Frank was grinning.  
"Holy shit Gerard. You're an amazing kisser." He breathed.  
"So are you. Like wow..My girlfriend...er ex never kissed me like that."  
"What happened?" Frank asked me, his happy expression now turning into a concerned one.  
"She cheated on me with my brother."  
"I'm sorry. That must have been painful."  
"Yeah, it's alright though. I mean I'm in prison so we don't really have a future anyway."  
Frank bit his lip before he spoke. "So...I thought you didn't like guys..you totally made out with me."

I blushed. He was right. I had myself convinced all this time that I was straight.

"Yeah well, I am straight. This was a mistake. I'm sorry."  
He frowned.

_I knew Frank was ecstatic that he finally got a chance to kiss me to say the least. He always has a look of lust in his eyes pretty much any time he'd be alone with me. I don't know what came over me to do what I did. I kissed him. We made out for a long time, or it sure felt like a long time. This CANNOT happen again._

I was eating in the cafeteria just like everyone inside this dump was. Today we get cold bologna and cheese sandwiches, an apple and lukewarm water. It was disgusting. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Frank. I didn't know what to say to him since our encounter. Frank wasn't a bad guy. He sat down next to me but I remained silent.

****  
Four days later, It happened again. We were both walking around with black garbage bags picking up leaves since it was Fall now, leaves ended up everywhere out in the yard. We both reached down to open up the garbage bag at the same time, and our hands touched and we started at each other like two lovers do before they kiss and I nervously laughed and walked away.

_By now I was starting to get really confused. I always thought there was no way I Gerard Way, could like guys, but Frank Iero really had me messed up. I was attracted to him, no doubt. He is a prisoner, and so am I. I don't know what to do. All I know is I just get all giddy when he gets super close to me or we accidentally make some kind of physical contact. Could I really be developing feelings for my cellmate? That's just ridiculous. Maybe he only lusts after me? That's all I thought it was but yet another event took place._

Jared somehow forced Frank to do push-ups in drag. I called him a sick freak and told Frank to come with me. He wanted to do something to calm down. He asked if I wanted to play Checkers but I rejected the idea because most of the Checkers are lost. So we went back to our cell.

"Thanks for saving me back there, Gee."  
"No problem. That guy is really messed up. Why the hell he thinks it's funny to force you to dress like a woman and do push-ups is baffling."  
Frank nodded.  
I turned on the water in the sink to splash some water on my face. I felt Frank's arms slowly make their way around my waist.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Shh. It's okay."  
I hesitantly turned around and was about to speak when Frank reached up, placing a finger against my lips. "Shhhhhh."  
I gulped and didn't keep my eyes off of Frank. He leaned up and tried to kiss my lips but of course I wasn't having it.  
"I can't." I managed to sputter out.  
"Why not? What is so bad about this? I know you want it as much as I do. I can see it your eyes."

_He was right. I was fighting it all this time. I thought this wasn't who I am. But Frank came along and I was seriously questioning my sexuality._

"Fuck it." I said and closed up the gap between Frank and myself. He got the hint and slowly brought his lips to mine. We kissed tenderly, not nearly as passionate as last time but it got hotter by the minute.

It just felt right. I felt sparks through out out my body. His hands roamed through my hair as I shoved my tongue into his mouth, making him gasp. I did not want this to end.

****  
_It was a month later and I have came to the conclusion that I have deep feelings for Frank. It makes no sense to me. I still haven't told Frank what got me in here. He hasn't told me either. That's going to change. I think I can trust him now. He's not going to like what he hears._

"Frank, we need to talk."  
Frank poked his head down from his bunk. "What is it?"  
"You wanna know what brought me here?"  
Frank hopped off his bunk making a thud and sat on my bunk. "Tell meeee."  
I sighed. I didn't really want to tell him but I figured it would be better if he heard it from me and not someone else.

"I'm a bad man, Frank." I sat up and rested my back against the wall.  
Frank didn't respond but his expression told me to go on with it anyway. So I did.  
"I'm a killer. I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man. I was at a restaurant meeting up with two guys I owed money to. Before the meeting, they told me I better have the $10,000 by then or he'd kill me. I didn't have the money. So once I told them I didn't have it, obviously without thinking he pulled out a gun to shoot me right there, but you see, I always carried a knife with me just in case, and without thinking either, I stabbed him and his 'partner'. Long story short, here I am."

The shock on his face was enough evidence. He couldn't believe my words. I'm sure now he hated my guts.

"I told you, Frank. You even told me before you don't like people like me. I'm worse than those criminals. If you don't want to bother with me anymore, I understand."  
Frank's facial expression didn't change. Finally he sighed. and got as far away from me as possible. And for three weeks we barely said a word to each other. I was about to find out why he reacted the way he did.  
It was around 7:00 P.M. and Frank decided to talk to me.  
"Gerard, we need to talk. Now."  
"Alright.."  
"I have told you a while ago that I found people who harm other people repulsive remember?"  
I nodded my head. "Yeah, that's sort of hard to forget.."  
"The statement is still true. I'm no saint either. But what hurt the most hearing about what you've done is the fact that..."

He stopped mid sentence and I blinked at him waiting for him to finish his sentence.  
"I like you Gerard okay? I thought you were beautiful ever since the moment I saw you. But I thought it was stupid to think such a thing since we are both in prison. I mean who gets feelings for their cellmates?!"

_I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I liked him back too but I felt as though I ruined everything revealing what I have done to someone who hates people who kill. And that's what I was. A killer. _

Frank rested his hand on my thigh, tears obviously forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just can't be involved with someone like that."  
Now tears pricked at my eyes. "Frank. I have done something horrible, yes. I'll never forgive myself for doing it either, but that is not 100 % of who I am. I did something stupid. All I think of myself is now is that I am a killer. A very bad man."  
Frank wiped away his tears with his right hand. "Perhaps, I was a little too harsh. I mean from what you have told me, they were gonna pull a gun on you, and to save your life, you killed them.."  
"Yeah, but only one had a gun. I didn't need to kill the other. I should have just ducked and ran but I panicked."  
Frank moved closer to me. "How long have you got til you're supposed to be out?"  
"Eh give or take, 2 years."  
"That's all?"  
"Yeah, you see the thing is, they lessened it because I have depression and they determined I couldn't have been too stable when I did what I did. I spent some time in a mental facility before they brought me here."  
"Oh shit. Are you serious?"  
I nodded again. "I kid you not. I was in there for 4 years and they said I had to do some time here for the crime I committed."  
Frank looked at me in shock. "You were only 22 when you did this? My age now?!"  
"Yeah...it was crazy."

"You know what, Gerard? I'm gonna tell you what I did to get myself here. It's pretty messed up as well. But I helped cover up a murder. My best friend at the time was an alcoholic and he and his boyfriend were always arguing and one day he took it too far. He somehow had it set in his head that his boyfriend was cheating on him and he was beyond trashed and stabbed him with a broken beer bottle. He died instantly. We buried him in the woods. I didn't do the killing myself but still I was arrested...and this is why I find murderers repulsive because even though I didn't do the killing, I still feel as if I am one."

I pulled Frank into a hug letting him letting him cry on my shoulder as I rubbed his back.  
"You don't hate me?"  
Frank picked his head carefully up off my shoulder. "No, Gee. I don't hate you. It just reminded me of something I desperately want to forget. I never could hate you."

Those last few words were enough to make me smile. I was relieved. I was terrified Frank really did hate me but now I understood everything. I reminded him of the horrible thing he had done and bringing up killing just upset him.

I gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb and softly kissed his lips. He and I were okay, well as okay as two cellmates who have feelings for each other could ever be.


	2. Chapter 2

div class="grf-indent"  
div class="text"emI still felt uneasy. I told Frank what I did to get myself in prison. He said it doesn't matter bother him, but deep down, I know it /br /He told me why he was here. If you ask me, he has no reason to be here. I killed people who were planning on killing me simply because I couldn't afford to pay back a debt. br /br /A couple of days went by and I was beginning to slowly avoid Frank. I didn't want someone as sweet as him to be associated with someone like me. I even got myself put into solitary confinement twice, just so I didn't have to face him. I really was being a coward but Frank was not getting the hint./embr /br /Finally, the doors opened and Bobby let me out. br /"You pull this crap again, Way and next time I won't be so easy on you."br /"Yeah, sure Bobby."br /br /He lead me back to my cell, shoving my inside. I think Bobby was in a bad mood, or tired of my behavior. I didn't really care. I was just happy to go back to my /Frank was asleep in his bunk so i kept as quiet as possible. I stripped off my ugly orange outfit and dropped it to the floor. I then climbed up onto my bunk and slid under the covers and shut my eyes. I had no idea what time it was. I just wanted to /br /****br /I woke up to a harsh wailing noise. I covered my ears and smooshed the pillow over my face trying to block out the siren. br /br /A man's voice belonging to Dr. Ross appeared over the speakers. br /"Two inmates have escaped. I repeat, two inmates have escaped."br /br /Well, shit. This was going to be a long day. I was kind of excited actually. This was the first escape I witnessed here at New Jersey State Prison. br /br /Dr. Ross' voice spoke on the speakers again. "For everybody's safety, the prison is going on lock down until the prisoners are found. Sorry for the inconvenience."br /br /I sighed and rolled over on to my left side. I hated lock /br /I guess all the commotion woke Frank up too. I mean, how can you not sleep through that? Frank was standing at our cell door peering out, being nosy. I rolled over again and shut my eyed. I was not ready to get up yet. Especially since we were going to be on lock down for God know how /br /Four hours later and I was awoken. I had to piss BADLY. I climbed down off my bunk as quickly as I could to use the little dirty toilet in our cell. I finished up and washed my hands in the equally as dirty sink and dried my hands on my shirt. br /br /Frank was sitting in his bed reading "The Catcher In The Rye", not really paying much attention to me. I was glad. I felt bad to be honest. I just didn't want to drag him down with me. br /br /"Gerard?" Frank's voice sounded /I quickly took a breath and turned around so I was facing the other /"What?"br /"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Ever since we had that talk you've been acting weird."br /I sighed as I sat down on the edge of Frank's bed. br /"No, Frankie. You didn't do anything."br /"Well, what's the problem then?"br /"Look. You know what I've done. The people I killed. You don't have to pretend to like me okay?"br /Frank glared at me with wide eyes, and a true hurt expression on his /"Goddammit Gerard. I'm not pretending anything! I like you no matter what alright?!"br /br /Now I was the one staring. I knew we liked each other but I felt guilty. I knew the murders would come back to bite me in the ass so I felt like the best thing to do was not get close to anyone..that was my plan for when I get out of /br /"Why do you like me, Frank?"br /Frank inched closer to me and cupped my face in his hands. br /"Because I know you aren't this Killer, you claim to be. You made a mistake, Gerard. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't make you a bad person."br /"I still killed two people."br /"Yes. You have. But I know there's more to you than that. You're Gerard Way, my cellmate, the only good thing about this shit place. Don't take that away from me. Please."br /br /I could feel my bottom lip tremble. No. I could not cry. Not in prison. I was not going to show any sign of weakness. Not here, not /br /I gently kissed Frank and rested my forehead against /"Okay. I promise you we'll stick together."br /Just then I got an idea. We need to get out of /br /****br /emFrank has now been in here for a year. And I have been here for about a year and a half. In a couple months I was hoping to get out. I was still determined on finding a way to get out of here. The problem was I had to find the perfect escape. So far I had no luck. /embr /br /There was a riot that broke out so I was scouting the place nonchalantly of course. I was being super careful because I didn't want to get myself into any trouble. It seemed luck has smiled down on me when I ran into a fellow cellmate who's been here for over ten /br /I didn't know whether or not I should trust him but I wanted to get the fuck out and take Frank with me. I wanted to make him my boyfriend. Right now we just acted like best friends. There was no way I was going to develop a relationship with my cellmate here. No way at /br /Anyways, I got talking to one of the inmates here. His name was Reggie. He was put in here for raping his victims and nastily killing them afterwards. I'd rather not tell you the details. It's quite grotesque. He told me that he knew some good ideas about how to bust out of this place. He said the easiest that everyone tries, is unattaching the sink from the wall and carving your ay through and run through a bunch of halls, that lead to the boiler room, yada yada yada. br /br /I didn't wanna get caught on the way out. I wanted something clever. br /br /****br /We were in the cafeteria eating slimy spaghetti. I was so hungry that I ate it. I gagged a few times but I managed to eat it all. Frank was sitting next to me, as usual. He wouldn't even touch it. The poor man had more of a sensitive stomach than /Frank was staring at me intently. br /br /"What? Do I have something on my face?" I reached up wiped whatever may have been there with my /Frank shook his head. "No. You're beautiful."br /br /And with that, I blushed as I reached under the table and squeezed his /Frank isn't so bad afterall. I just wish this place wouldn't hold us back. I mean we could easily act like a couple here, but the thing is, we aren't officially a couple. We are two men who like each other. A lot. br /br /I said from the beginning that I only want to do my time and get out. I rather not make anything harder for myself or Frank for that matter. I got picked on enough. I would only retaliate and ruin my chances of leaving. I'm trying to be on my best behavior. Wouldn't it be nice to be let out of here early for that? br /br /****br /I was becoming a little more successful with figuring out a plan to get out. I just needed inmates to start a rot again and hopefully do what I need to do before we are forced to go back into our cells. br /br /Ah, shower time. I was starting to feel really gross. br /br /Frank was two stalls down from me. Tre was next to me. I was glad Frank wasn't next to me because I needed some assistance. I didn't want to tell Frank about my scheme yet. Not until I have everything /br /"Pssstt. Tre. Psttt. Come here" I /"Huh? What is it?" Just come here. I need to ask you /Frank slouched down so I can whisper in his ear. I asked him to help start some kind of commotion. He agreed. br /br /"It's about time something else exciting happens." He /Fantastic!br /br /Tre and I finished up in the showers. Frank was already gone. Tre winked at me and mouthed "Watch this." And punched Jared in the back! I had to bite my tongue hard to keep myself from laughing. Jared responded and fists were flying. I took the opportunity to quickly get dressed and do what I had to do. Find a weak spot in the building so I can get through the /br /"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Some inmates /Bobby, Barry, Crowley, and Dr. Ross tried to break up the fight but it just wasn't happening until Crowley pulled out a tazer and Dr. Ross threatened some people with a sedative. br /br /***br / It looks like this will come together better than I thought. A lot better. br /I found the perfect plan! All I will need is something sharp to start poking around at the walls with. A screw would suffice I think. Now where to find a screw, a long screw. In a prison. /br /Luckily for us, I was sitting out in the yard on an old rickety bench. Sure enough there were the screws that I needed. I felt around under the bench, trying to get a feel of how easy it would be to get the screw out. It's definitely going to take some time. Within an hour or so of trying, I managed to loosen the screw. Now, I'll have to loosen it little by little until I can get the entire screw out. br /br /strongStep 1 is in progress!/strong/div  
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